I know, I know, this is a topic that all of "forward looking generation" i.e. ours is most bored to even discuss about .............. and reading about it .............. no way!!
But fact of the matter is that all of us have somewhere, sometime discussed about it (in parts) with our closest buddies in last 9 years or so!!
So all of us know that most of our friends are out in the marriage market searching or being searched!!
But then few portions of discussions that I had with my friends of both genders about marriage and some good fundas and hilarious incidents!!
1. A close friend of mine has been searching for a bride for sometime with limited success. Reasons could be anything. Thats not what I want to tell you.
Initially, we noticed that he was very specific in terms & conditions and eligibility criteria for a bride and with time, the number of pages of his documents kept coming down!!
So we found this whole incident quiet analogous to our engineering.
Engineering College, most important year is last year!! Why?? just coz that is when you look forward for campus placements and some company finally paying for your limited knowledge and their mistake of recruiting you ;-)
So what we call as 8 semester Engineering life, 7th and 8th semesters are most important!!
In 7th Semester, all of us are like so choosy ........... "lets avoid this company, our branch is just one of the people allowed to sit.", "Not this company yaar ........ my cousin says that company is not doing good.", "not a good name of company yaar .......... what will I tell my friends, I am employed at this company?? No one will even recognise!!."
Then comes the 8th semester and we are still jobless ................ then we are like,"Any company would do man ............... need to have a job!!"
So with that description, I call my friend's marriage search entering 8th Semester from 7th Semester (i.e. now, Koi bhi chalegi .......... haan to kare!!)
Now, we have straight questions when we discuss amongst close buddies who are searching .......... which semester are you in?? 7th / 8th?? ;-)
2. A very good friend of mine went with us for a drive few years back. While chatting with her, she came with a question. She asked me, "Ritwik, which one do you think is better, love marriage or arranged marriage?"
I said "arranged". It may not be a personal choice, but an opinion I had looking at the objective of her question. She was definitely in a double mind on one of her recent love related interactions with some other guy so she just wanted a second opinion and hence the question to me.
I told her that as per me today, there is no big difference between love and arranged marriage. Most of the families are open enough on this.
I told her that as per now, difference between love and arranged marriage is only the source of prospective partner. i.e. just that in case of love marriage u introduce the guy to ur family and in case of love marriage u get introduced to a guy through your family.
In both cases you get time to accept or reject a guy. In case of love marriage, before introducing him to ur family, in case of arranged marriage, after the guy's introduction to your family. And most of the families are ok rejecting a proposal after sometime and everyone understands also.
Exceptions are always there though!!
3. Then a very mathematical discussion with another friend:
Crush + Success = Relationship :-)
Love - Success = Crush
So today whatever i look at my school time loves (success / no success is the key) they are called as Crush but yes at that time, if someone had asked me, they all very true love!!
Some Shaadi related fundas that I have come across or discussed!!
Though I believe in this section, comments from friends are more interesting that I look forward to :-D
Happy marriage!!
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Friday, January 2, 2009
GAP Study!!
Since now I am part of Software Industry, the title is obvious :-)
Well the thought is very Indian and very Indian upbringing stuff!!
Most of us did our schooling at our hometowns ......... under the shelter of our parents and then moved out (from the base location) to different cities, for higher studies or search or timepass :-)
So like most of us, I also moved from Haridwar to Delhi to pursue my higher studies.
And again, like most of us, I was in Hostel!! Few of us also stay outside hostel (for fear of ragging) in private flats/apartments!!
Well, the point is that we are outside, without the protective cover / Discipline bag of our parents .
So, during the hostel life, we gained a lot of independence, decision making (as in screwing situations :-)), self appraisal, self life style, not to mention the degree (which only we know, how we earned ;-))
Next level .......... all of us either moved to next level of education / moved into the good n bad corporate world.
Cutting the whole story, all of us sometime somewhere landed into Corporate World!!
Now comes the time when we visit our homes to meet our parents/nears n dears once in a while during our busy job schedules!!
Intensity might differ but all of us know it in our hearts that we face some issues in staying there for more amount of time. Issues coz we, as per us, are mature people with own life and own way of living. So we dont like questions, timelines, rules, religion stuff, tradition!! We are cosmopolitan!!
I have been, for some time analysing why this happens and for my analysis I compare my current status with another friend of mine.
Firstly my status: I moved from Delhi to HYD (worked for 3 years) to BLR (worked for 2 years) and now in Noida. Parents stay with me now.
My Friend's status: Delhi to BLR (still working there). He sometimes comes and stays with parents in Delhi.
I feel some discomfort but my friend has terrible time!!
Are parents too demanding?? Are they too interrogating types?? Not really.
The reason that I found, which I call as the "GAP Study", is the GAP between what we are and what our parents know who we are!!
e.g. we during school were good boys/gals .......... parents always proud of us being the perfect child any parent could have in their lives!! we during period of independence become so independent that we indulge into habits which we know our parents may/may not appreciate. e.g. vegetarians start eating chicken, we start drinking, smoking, indulging into other stuff which we were told during school time, NOT TO DO!! So we being the Sindbad's of our lives explore all the NOT IN THE LIST islands!!
I am not saying what is right or wrong, I am just putting my thoughts on why do we have that discomfort with our parents.
Coz today we are different from what our parents know about us. While staying with them now we feel the discomfort of getting away from our Free Bird life. Not tthat they bind us, but think from their perspective, how many of us do share our professional or personal problems with our parents to some extent? lesser the extent, more is the discomfort since parents are not left with any other way but to ask on why, what, when, who, where!!
Since few of me and some my friends have shared may be 80% of actual lives with our parents, my comfort level staying with them is atleast 80%.
What is parents fault if they dont know about their children? Nothing. We never told them.
We have changed so much that we know that the GAP is huge and it would take tones and tones of time and effort in explaning them what we are today and why (most of us dont even remember the reasons for our changes).
I probably have been taking risks and exploring a bit on this in my case!!
e.g. I get late from a friend's party after office and reach home pretty late!! Contrary to my expectations, my mom did not call me even once asking on when would I come and where am I just because I told her in the morning that I would be at friend's party and would come late. My mom is aware that in BLR, during party at friend's place or a travel, i have driven for whole night, stayed at friend's place or came late so she knew that if there is any issue, I would call. But at the sametime, even if she had called while I was late, it would have been cause of her concern on my safety and not to interrogate!!
So as our life styles have changed as the need of today is different. Our way of living has changed since we need to be like that to have a work-life balance ........... but in this whole balancing act, we probably have forgotten about our parents and families ........... not "Forgetting" in literal terms but in terms of bring them abreast on our changes, developments, successes, failures etc etc.
So this gap ensures that we remain in discomfort and till the time we dont minimise it, it will always continue and grow bigger!!
We when normally talking on a serious note to our friends say that, "parents wont understand". But have we ever tried to make them understand!!
We can scream at our boss's in the job of giving us some high funda without explaning how it happens, then why do we expect our parents to understand our statement after our evolution of 5-6 years?
I now believe in this:
Less the gap, more the comfort
More the information, less the gap
What is right, what is wrong is your own thought. Its with you!!
What you want to tell, what you dont, its again your wish!!
Parents could understand us when we were kids. They can definitely understand us today too. Just that we need to be as expressive as we were when we were kids!!
None of the statements are 100% true. This is my thought, you may have a different opinion, a different feeling. What I wrote is my funda!! May or maynot be applicable generally.
Well the thought is very Indian and very Indian upbringing stuff!!
Most of us did our schooling at our hometowns ......... under the shelter of our parents and then moved out (from the base location) to different cities, for higher studies or search or timepass :-)
So like most of us, I also moved from Haridwar to Delhi to pursue my higher studies.
And again, like most of us, I was in Hostel!! Few of us also stay outside hostel (for fear of ragging) in private flats/apartments!!
Well, the point is that we are outside, without the protective cover / Discipline bag of our parents .
So, during the hostel life, we gained a lot of independence, decision making (as in screwing situations :-)), self appraisal, self life style, not to mention the degree (which only we know, how we earned ;-))
Next level .......... all of us either moved to next level of education / moved into the good n bad corporate world.
Cutting the whole story, all of us sometime somewhere landed into Corporate World!!
Now comes the time when we visit our homes to meet our parents/nears n dears once in a while during our busy job schedules!!
Intensity might differ but all of us know it in our hearts that we face some issues in staying there for more amount of time. Issues coz we, as per us, are mature people with own life and own way of living. So we dont like questions, timelines, rules, religion stuff, tradition!! We are cosmopolitan!!
I have been, for some time analysing why this happens and for my analysis I compare my current status with another friend of mine.
Firstly my status: I moved from Delhi to HYD (worked for 3 years) to BLR (worked for 2 years) and now in Noida. Parents stay with me now.
My Friend's status: Delhi to BLR (still working there). He sometimes comes and stays with parents in Delhi.
I feel some discomfort but my friend has terrible time!!
Are parents too demanding?? Are they too interrogating types?? Not really.
The reason that I found, which I call as the "GAP Study", is the GAP between what we are and what our parents know who we are!!
e.g. we during school were good boys/gals .......... parents always proud of us being the perfect child any parent could have in their lives!! we during period of independence become so independent that we indulge into habits which we know our parents may/may not appreciate. e.g. vegetarians start eating chicken, we start drinking, smoking, indulging into other stuff which we were told during school time, NOT TO DO!! So we being the Sindbad's of our lives explore all the NOT IN THE LIST islands!!
I am not saying what is right or wrong, I am just putting my thoughts on why do we have that discomfort with our parents.
Coz today we are different from what our parents know about us. While staying with them now we feel the discomfort of getting away from our Free Bird life. Not tthat they bind us, but think from their perspective, how many of us do share our professional or personal problems with our parents to some extent? lesser the extent, more is the discomfort since parents are not left with any other way but to ask on why, what, when, who, where!!
Since few of me and some my friends have shared may be 80% of actual lives with our parents, my comfort level staying with them is atleast 80%.
What is parents fault if they dont know about their children? Nothing. We never told them.
We have changed so much that we know that the GAP is huge and it would take tones and tones of time and effort in explaning them what we are today and why (most of us dont even remember the reasons for our changes).
I probably have been taking risks and exploring a bit on this in my case!!
e.g. I get late from a friend's party after office and reach home pretty late!! Contrary to my expectations, my mom did not call me even once asking on when would I come and where am I just because I told her in the morning that I would be at friend's party and would come late. My mom is aware that in BLR, during party at friend's place or a travel, i have driven for whole night, stayed at friend's place or came late so she knew that if there is any issue, I would call. But at the sametime, even if she had called while I was late, it would have been cause of her concern on my safety and not to interrogate!!
So as our life styles have changed as the need of today is different. Our way of living has changed since we need to be like that to have a work-life balance ........... but in this whole balancing act, we probably have forgotten about our parents and families ........... not "Forgetting" in literal terms but in terms of bring them abreast on our changes, developments, successes, failures etc etc.
So this gap ensures that we remain in discomfort and till the time we dont minimise it, it will always continue and grow bigger!!
We when normally talking on a serious note to our friends say that, "parents wont understand". But have we ever tried to make them understand!!
We can scream at our boss's in the job of giving us some high funda without explaning how it happens, then why do we expect our parents to understand our statement after our evolution of 5-6 years?
I now believe in this:
Less the gap, more the comfort
More the information, less the gap
What is right, what is wrong is your own thought. Its with you!!
What you want to tell, what you dont, its again your wish!!
Parents could understand us when we were kids. They can definitely understand us today too. Just that we need to be as expressive as we were when we were kids!!
None of the statements are 100% true. This is my thought, you may have a different opinion, a different feeling. What I wrote is my funda!! May or maynot be applicable generally.
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